Two Minutes’ Hate II

There are many things in the world that piss me off (stamps required on government documents, for example).  Here, I will illustrate some of the things that make me hurl obscenities like Zeus chucks thunderbolts.  What I hate comes after the jump.  What you hate, you can put in the comments.

OK, so I’m working, right?  I have a job.  It’s a professional job, in a professional building.  I have to dress up and everything.  So why the fuck do people think it is perfectly fucking okey-dokey to bring their goddamn kids in here and parade them around while my ass-munching (and mostly female) co-workers scream and swoon and insist on making so much goddamn noise that I actually have to close my office door so I can get some goddamn work done?  What the fuck?  These people actually go from office to office likes it’s a goddamn wedding receiving line and expect everyone to give a flying fuck that one of the parents managed to squeeze a living human being between their legs.   OMG IT’S A MIRACLE OF NATURE!  A BLESSED MIRACLE!  Listen: a miracle is something that happens once, against any and all expectations and natural laws.  There have been a trillion fucking births on this planet, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY SAY THAT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.  You are not fucking special because you had a child.  And I could give a flying rat’s ass about your brat.  OH GREAT, NOW IT’S CRYING!  That’s exactly what I needed!  I fucking hate parents.

Another thing that pisses me off: the forced uses of gay-ass – excuse me, ghey-ass,don’t want to send anyone crying from the room – mashed-together words and stupid fucking acronyms.  Like the fucking puerile insistence of adding -gate to every fucking political scandal.  Watergate was a goddamn hotel name.  It wasn’t a scandal about water.  SO QUIT FUCKING ADDING GATE TO EVERY SCANDAL.  Another one is the celebrity-couple-name-mash.  Brangelina.  TomKat.  Bennifer.  Or the fucking new acronyms like FLOTUS.  Oh, First Lady is too long for you to type?  POTUS, SCOTUS – Jesus H. fucking Christ.  It is enough to make me want to murder every fucking journalist who was ever born.  I gleefully await the death of the newspaper as an industry so fucking journalists have to learn an actual trade.  I think journalists are just people who want to write but realize they have no fucking talent or imagination.  But then they try to seem clever – OH, MONICA-GATE, YOU ARE SO WRY AND WITTY – and they just reveal themselves for the douchebags they are.  Want to be different?  Add -pot Dome to the next fucking political scandal.  Fuck Spitzer-Gate, why not Spitzerpot Dome Scandal?  Every lets Harding skate on that shit.

Oh, and fuck the Dallas Cowboys.

About Alan Edwards

An indie writer who does accounting full-time on the side.

Posted on June 18, 2009, in Rantin' and Bitchin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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