Five Things for Friday, October 2nd
1. Why is it that when you drive through a poor urban neighborhood, a busy downtown district, or a college campus, pedestrians have absolutely no problem with stepping out in front of your car at any time and fully expect you to stop? I have my own theory on the matter. The poor do it because they feel that they have very little power over the world at large, and so take advantage of what little power they can as often as they can, glaring down people in their cars like they own the street. Meanwhile, those brisk-walking tools with their briefcases are too important and busy to trouble with niceties like crosswalks and crossing signs. They don’t even look at the car that almost hits them. Finally, students do it because they truly believe that the world revolves around them, and so they just glance at the car if they notice it at all. The world could use a lot less of all of them.
2. I think this is a very bizarre reward system. You spend a chunk of money on a game, play it for hours and hours, need the Internet to complete the obscure requirements to finish, and your reward is… a chance to watch the credits. Who on earth thought this up? Why is this now Industry Standard? Is it their subtle way of mocking me, since flashing LOSER all over the screen would prompt a bit of backlash? Can’t they make the credits, you know, like a menu option or something? If I need a comprehensive list of the third team’s graphic illustrators, shouldn’t I just be able to call that up on some screen somewhere? I’d rather be rewarded with a ten-second film clip of a monkey flinging its own poop.
3. Is beating the company’s benefit administrator to death with a phone cradle something that goes into one’s permanent record?
4. The Redskins, as I said before, will win this weekend. Now, under the remote conditions that they do not do so, it would be advisable to stay at least 10 miles away from Washington D.C. as well as any Skins fan blog sites. For those concerned about my well-being (and, incidentally, theirs), fear not: should they lose, I’ll be fine. A toxic combination of announcers and commercials have killed my football drive this year.
5. It’s Friday, motherfuckers. Boo. Fucking. Yah. And Saturday: OH WE GON DRANK.