15k in 15 Day: Help Me Humiliate Myself
Posted by Alan Edwards
So today I was doing my normal lunchtime workout. I spend this time exercising, but I also spend a lot of it thinking about writing and other stuff. Today, sometime halfway through my whey protein shake, an idea struck me. See, I’ve been working on the sequel to The Curse of Troius for a really long fucking time. Too long. WAYYYYY too long. It’s turned into this 1800-pound cackling imp that rides around on my back waiting for people to ask me how my writing’s going so it can grab my earlobes and thrash around wailing and howling with maniacal laughter only I can hear while I try to come up with an articulate answer besides IT’S GOING REALLY REALLY SHITTY RIGHT NOW AND IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME I’M GOING TO POP OFF AND EAT A GALLON OF DISHWASHING LIQUID.
So anyway, an idea came to me today, as I said. I used the idea once before, last year when I wanted to be able to do 100 pushups in a row. I put it out to my friends that if I couldn’t do those 100 pushups by a certain date, I would do something painful (well, mentally painful; I’m not actually masochistic). With that incentive in mind, I was able to accomplish my goal. So, in the spirit of that successful venture, I am today announcing my new plan:
15k in 15 Day.
Yeah, I know it should be Days but it’s more poetic this way.
Anyway, here’s the plan. Storm stands at exactly 70,325 words right now. 15,000 more words should finish the damn thing once and for all. So here it is: if I can write those 15,000 words by midnight on September 30th, then I win. I get a finished novel to begin editing and publishing. You get bupkis except for those that might want to read it or the warm glow of satisfaction knowing that you helped push me to finish the damn thing.
And if I don’t? That’s where you come in.
I need your help in coming up with a proper punishment. A Humiliation, if you will. If I fail, I will perform whatever humiliating thing is suggested, videotape it, and post it on YouTube with blog posts and Tweets calling attention to it. You’ll get the warm glow of seeing someone do something idiotic.
The ground rules are simple:
1) It has to be legal in the United States.
2) It can involve no damage to my face, because my wife will not tolerate that.
3) My wife has to approve it in general, since she is going to be The Monitor and make sure I follow through.
4) Seriously, I don’t like pain.
5) It cannot, under any circumstances, involve me praising the Dallas Cowboys or wearing their apparel. I have standards of decency.
So, I’m begging you. Please help me by posting suggestions here or on Facebook or Twitter or smoke signals or JumboTron or dixie cup or whatever for some act I can perform if I fail. Hell, if it’s inventive enough, I might do it anyway as a way to celebrate the 1800 pound imp getting off my back.