NFL Week 4: BAHAHAHAHA ROMO

In week 4 of the NFL season, the Redskins managed to regain the NFC East lead. Yes, they did it in part by beating the totally terrible Rams in traditionally close fashion. A game they should have won 38-0 was, of course, a nail-biter when Sexy Rexy Unleashed the Dragon but forgot about the middle linebacker yet again. But the defense led by The Human Wrecking Ball Brian Orakpo and They Call Me High-Motor Because I’m White Ryan Kerrigan shut down the Rams offensive display of offensive ineptitude to hold on for the win. So they did their part to regain the division lead.

But it couldn’t have happened without Tony Romo.

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WIth a nice fat lead against the Detroit Lions, an undefeated team that is as flimsy as a 4-0 team can be, Tony Romo threw two nice fat picks that got returned for TDs on back-to-back possessions, then the Lions played jump-ball with Calvin Johnson for two more scores and the win. AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s so awesome. It’s the greatest thing ever, next to the Redskins beating the Cowboys. So I recall from the eons ago when they did beat those asswipes.

Speaking of Calvin Johnson, that shit is almost unfair. One of his touchdowns came when he was triple-covered. Three guys surrounding him, and Matt Stafford just tossed it high and the little Cowboys could just watch as Big Calvin went up for it. It also makes me feel sorry for them, but they’re Cowboys and I couldn’t feel sorry for them if they were slowly sinking into quicksand.

Not only did the Cowboys choke, but so did the Eagles, in equally laughtastic fashion. I have no idea why Andy Reid can’t run a goddamn goal-line sequence. It’s like their offense is built around everything but power, and when they get to the 1-yard line and they have no room to finesse shit around, they have no hope. If I was Reid, the first play I’d call on 1st & goal at the one is a 5-yard sack. Then they might have a chance to score. The image of Ronnie Brown wrapped up and just tossing the ball away is one I’ll cherish forever. The Eagles remind me of one of those teams that have a lot of flashy names and zero depth that everyone thinks should be AWESOME (like, oddly enough, the Cowboys every year) that just can’t win games despite their individual stars. It IS actually a team sport. I know what it’s like to watch a team of high-priced big-name free agents play like utter dogshit because they have no depth. I’m a Redskins fan. It is nice to see a different one for a change.

On a different note, the horrendous display of quarterbacking put on by Joe “Delaware’s Own!” Flacco and Mark “Nacho” Sanchez got me thinking about the bullshit designation of Franchise Quarterback. People throw that term around all the time – “Team X needs to draft a good young Franchise Quarterback” – but it’s pretty fucking meaningless. Here is a list of some Franchise Quarterbacks in the NFL right now: Sanchez. Flacco. Stafford. Josh Freeman. Sam Bradford. Matt Ryan. Jay Cutler. These are a few of the younger, recently-drafted guys anointed as Franchise Quarterbacks. Why? Because they were drafted high and start. They all have one thing in common: I wouldn’t trade Rex Grossman for a single fucking one of them. They are all ass. Stafford is playing well so far, but dude’s been hurt every year. Ryan has had some success, but it’s not exactly because of him. I’ll bet he doesn’t know why they won so much last year. The other guys just suck. I would rather have a journeyman backup like Grossman than one of those guys. They’re terrible. So let’s quit with the Franchise Quarterback label and just give it to the guys that are pretty fucking good like Manning, Brady, Brees, Rodgers, and Rivers. You don’t draft those guys. You get fucking lucky with those guys. The right guy, in the right scheme, in the right time, with the right line – that’s how those guys appear. Everyone is already on the Andrew Luck is Gonna Rule bandwagon. There is a good 75% chance that he does shit for his career. He’ll get headlines for a long time even if he does blow ala Sanchez, but the chances of him taking the NFL by storm are pretty fucking small.

  • Chris Cooley said on a radio show that he loved it when Romo choked. I love me some Chris Cooley. Some dipshit media blowhards tried to take Cooley to task for saying uncharitable things about his team’s most bitter rival and their shithead quarterback. I hate the fucking media so much.
  • The ‘Skins would have sole possession of first place (they have it now via head-to-head tiebreaker) if the dumb fucking referees in the Giants-Cardinals game recognized the fact that the Giants’ receiver (Victor Cruz) just laid the ball down because he thought he was down. That is a fumble. Being a dumbass should not protect you.
  • The Bills lost. I am SHOCKED that they will not go 16-0 this year. Actually, I don’t think they’ll do better than 8-8. It’s the Bills. People try to talk about their dynamic offense – uh, yeah. OK. Let’s talk in 10 weeks.
  • I’m sorry, friends who are Vikings fans.
  • NFL Network was showing the Top Plays from Week 3. #1 was a Kevin Kolb pass where he threw off his back foot with a defender in his face to a double-covered receiver who somehow managed to catch the pass in the end zone. It was a terrible throw that never should have happened. They said it was the best play of Week 3. How can “experts” be so fucking stupid so often?
  • If the Phillies lose this baseball series and the Eagles keep losing, I may never turn off the sports radio channel here in Philly. Pure overflowing angst. Like the sweet delicious taste of the tears of unfathomable sadness.
  • So I hear the Packers are pretty good.
  • I struggle naming all the teams in the NFC South. That’s how little I think of them. At least the NFC West manages to suck so bad that they’re noteworthy. The Panthers, Falcons, and Bucs are either awful or competent, never anything more. The Saints should never lose that division again.
  • A lot of people actually thought the Redskins would be the worst team in the NFL this year. Worse than the Dolphins, Panthers, Bengals, Browns, Rams, Seahawks, Chiefs, and Vikings. I never saw that. I’ve always seen them as 8-8, but a shitload of people said 3-13 or 4-12. Whatever. Gimme Sexy Rexy all day over the guys those teams are trotting out.
  • My Bold Prediction of the week: The Redskins will NOT LOSE this week. It’s ironclad.

About Alan Edwards

An indie writer who does accounting full-time on the side.

Posted on October 6, 2011, in Kerfluffle and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I was so happy you guys won. It is nice to see a team win when people think they won’t. Hightower’s injury was a bad thing (for my FF team). I also cheer against the Cowboys every single game. So nice to see them tanking and really, with nobody to blame. You guys should be able to take the division. The Giant’s are pretty bad this year.

    The Vikings…well…I am sad. Sucks to lose our team, but, it is pretty much a done deal with no stadium contract in sight. I hate it. I don’t know how I can watch football after they leave, but I will.

    I agree about the QB thing. I have never considered Sanchez or the rest all that great. I was surprised at the start of the year that people thought him and Flacco and other second raters were so good. There is a handful of franchise QBs. Maybe four now that Manning is done. Wish we had one on my team!

    Hope all is well. Are you excited for the Breaking Bad finale?!

    • Well, hopefully Ryan Torain is available on waivers. I imagine Hightower will still be heavily in the mix, though, so it’s hard to guess which of their backs will do something any given week. It’s the Mike “I Live to Screw Over Fantasy Football” Shanahan show!

      I think the Eagles will rebound enough to steal the division, sadly. But we might make them earn it. I still think it would be an unfathomable tragedy for the Vikings to leave Minnesota. All I can do is shake my head at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

      I have to confess: I’ve never seen Breaking Bad. But I did just post something about TV! Heh.

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