Hey, I’ve Got a Great Plan: Walking Dead Season 2 Episode 2

OK. I was very hopeful after the first episode that things in Walking Dead Land would get better. In truth, I did like this episode more overall than the first, but it still had some pretty glaring problems. And for the record, I didn’t read the comic books this series is based on, so if they’re following the books to the letter (which they aren’t) and you want to say that the things they are depicting happened in the comic books, that’s fine. It doesn’t make the story problems magically go away. But anyway.

The episode starts with a flashback. Why, I’m not sure, since the flashback told us things that we already knew: Grimes gets shot, his partner the Ma-Shane tells his wife, who then tells her kid. We never saw it happen, but it seemed reasonable to assume that it would happen roughly along those lines. Maybe they thought we forgot he was shot and in a coma despite being reminded of it every single time Shane and that harpy of a wife have a conversation. Maybe they wanted to illustrate how difficult and heart-wrenching it is to be told that a family member you love has been shot, which I think most people probably would intuitively understand. Or perhaps they wanted to show that Shane wanted to bang his buddy’s wife and Rick and the harridan were having marital problems before he was shot, but the fact that the two started humping pretty quickly also does a good job of suggesting that perhaps there was some sort of attraction there. Most likely, I think the writers felt they needed a huge sign that says LOOK AT THE JUXTAPOSITION AND ROLE REVERSAL HERE! because they believe the average television viewer is dumb as fuck.

Anyway, the flashback ends with the viewer no better off than they were before and Rick is running with Carl who probably has a sucking chest wound since it looked like a perfect lung shot, but there is no frothing or bubbling or whistling from the wound. So if it isn’t a sucking chest wound, then he’s just bleeding, but I wouldn’t bother trying to plug the hole before taking off jostling the little bastard’s head around and shaking him either. But that’s because I can’t stand the kid. They make it to the house, old man says country things softly, they go to work.

Meanwhile, The World’s Worst Search Party continues walking single file through the woods. Daryl, the hick hunter (who apparently was never in the comic books, because if he was he’d have been too damn smart to hook up with these shitheads) is in the lead, and probably shaking his head incredulously every time he looks behind him and sees everyone right behind him having conversations with each other and looking at his ass instead of the woods. The chick whose stupid-ass kid has wandered off like a complete dumbass says the most godawful horrible thing you could say to another human being in the apocalypse. Talking to Mopey Blond Chick, who is trying to reassure her, she says, “I’m just scared that she’ll end up like Amy.” Amy is Mopey’s sister. This chick has been dead, what, 4 days now? Mrs. Stubblepate just verbally bitchslaps Mopey for no goddamn reason. Way to go. The most fragile, everyone-thinks-she’s-suicidal chick in the group, and she just punches her in the gut for no good reason. Way to establish esprit de corps. Daryl says what we’re all thinking, essentially shut the fuck up and look around if you want to find the dumb-ass kid.

Rick and Shane have an unnecessary argument about who’s going for the medical supplies. Rick is the only one who can give his son blood. He also thinks he should run off and get his wife AND go off and get the medical supplies. Maybe he does hate Carl as much as I do. Shane and the fat dude named Otis (Of course he’s named Otis. If you live in the South and grow up to be a fat guy who wears overalls, whatever your name was before is discarded and replaced with either Otis or Bubba. If you’re bumbling in any way, you’re an Otis. Accidentally shooting a kid standing next to a deer qualifies as bumbling, so Otis it is.) head off to the high school where FEMA had set something up. They need this stuff to save the kid. Otis is going to die. There is no doubt in my mind. He might as well have pulled on a tight red t-shirt and stuffed his pants into his boots. He’s toast.

Rick sends on of the people to find the search party. He doesn’t exactly know where they are, just a vague sense of the area they’re in. She goes off. The search party is heading back to the road. Now, they’ve been in a tight bunch formation FOR TWO DAYS while they’ve been searching. Mopey decides to take a slight detour from the rest of the group. Ten seconds later, she’s all by herself and no one is around and a zombie attacks her. Seriously, it was like 10 seconds and she’s completely and utterly alone. Just before she dies, the chick Rick sent from the farm rides up and saves the day. In these fucking woods that the group of mouth-breathing idiots have been trying to find a girl, this other chick manages to ride directly to them. Maybe someone should tell this lady that they lost a kid, give her some vague idea where, and give her 4 minutes to find her, because apparently she’s Aragorn.

The dude that cut his arm has managed to get a horrible blood infection the day after getting cut and is feverish. Quick-acting infection. Now if they could only find medical supplies! This seems like a plausible and time-sensitive problem that could be very harrowing and nerve-wracking, except Daryl (who else) shows up, looks at everyone like they are fucking morons, grabs painkillers and antibiotics and passes them out. “Why didn’t you just say something?” he asks, and my wife and I nod. Daryl is the only fucking person on this show who should be alive. Medical crisis over. Daryl ex machina.

The Asian dude finally makes an appearance, where he whines that he is expected to go to the farm alone. Suck it up, cupcake.

Lori, Rick’s wife, arrives at the farm. They’re in the middle of nowhere. The world has ended. Her son has been shot. There is a person with obvious medical experience who thinks he can help. So, sensibly, she begins grilling him about his qualifications like she’s shopping around and considering going out for a second opinion. I expected her to demand to see the guy’s certificate and ask for references. He reveals that he’s a veternarian and she proceeds to belittle him while her son is breathing in another room thanks to this guy. Seriously, this lady is such a bitch.

And now, my favorite part. Shane and Otis, who need their own sitcom, are overlooking the FEMA parking lot. There are some cars around it and the zombies are just wandering around inside the lot, not venturing out despite the fact there isn’t anything to eat there. The ground behind Shane is clearly wide open and zombie free. Presumably, their truck is back there somewhere. They survey the situation.

Wait, this needs diagrams.

I know it says CDC Trailer and it’s actually FEMA but I don’t want to spend the minute it would take to fix it. OK. The blue stars on the left are Shane and Otis. The red things are the zombies. They scope it out, clearly without a plan even though Otis described it before they left. See, if it was me, I would have had one person drive the truck slowly towards the lot to draw the zombies out, then drive slowly away while the other guy raids the trailer, then go back and pick him up. Instead, they decide to open a police car’s trunk to see if there is something in there. I mean, they have no idea what they’re gonna find, but they’re like Fuck it, let’s check the trunk of this cop car. They find flares! Shane hatches a plan.

They chuck the flares over to one side to draw the zombies away and give them access to the trailer. It works! However, there is a slight flaw. Perhaps you’ve noticed it already. That’s right: they’ve made no plans whatsoever to get back out again. Didn’t keep a flare to try to throw out to distract them again. Nothing. Anyway, they raid the place and get what they need. Their plan seems to entail Open Door, Stare Outside Until Noticed. Now, even in this scenario, it seems pretty obvious what they should do.

If you recall, they came from an area with no zombies. They kept their getaway pickup over there somewhere. If I was Shane, I’d have suggested leading the way, trying to clear a path for Otis with the shotgun and running like hell to the truck, towards the, you know, area that has no fucking zombies in it.

So, of course, that’s not what they do. Their plan instead becomes this:

Jesus H. Christ. Great fucking plan, guys.

What I liked about this episode:

1. Daryl.

2. When the zombie that attacked Mopey sits up, Daryl’s deadpan “Shut up” and crossbow shot to the head.

3. The fact that one of them thought to carry medicine of some sort (guess who). Seriously, these asshats just left the CDC and didn’t have any fucking aspirin with them.

4. No children talking through the whole episode.

That’s about it. And yes, it was still better than last week’s.

About Alan Edwards

An indie writer who does accounting full-time on the side.

Posted on October 25, 2011, in Rantin' and Bitchin', Zombies and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. *cue Benny Hill music during the getaway*

    • I don’t understand why he never fired a single shot. What, he didn’t want to bring zombies down on top of him? I kinda think that’s already the situation here.

      • Well, he was waiting for the hallway sequence where the zombies are chasing him through the one door, then they chase the zombies through the next door, then the zombies are carrying them running from a giant gorilla. IT WAS THEN that they’d make their getaway. Although alternatively to the Benny Hill music they could’ve played the Monkees “Last Train to Clarksville” and it would have been just as acceptable.

        • That’s RIGHT. I forgot about the run-in-one-door-and-come-out-another trick. That would’ve been awesome if they hadn’t ducked into a locked brick alcove.

  2. Daryl ex-machina. Awesome.

    I find your analysis, unsurprisingly, funny as hell. Keep it up. ;D

    On a side note, I actually like Glen (“Asian dude”). He was funny as fuck the first few episodes, but he’s been relegated to “extra”, and that kind of sucks. Hopefully he’ll find something to do here soon.

    I also like Scott Wilson (the doctor). I hadn’t seen him appear in anything for a while, so it was nice that he made an appearance. I also think that his attitude (“Either we’ll be okay or we won’t, duh”) and Daryl’s (“Shut the fuck up and don’t be stupid”) may be the smartest voices I’ve heard on the show to date.

    (But I do admire Glen’s “We’re all gonna fucking die!!!!” pragmatism.)

    • I like Glenn too. He and Daryl are the only pragmatic bunch in the group. Of course that means he’s never in any of the episodes anymore except for reaction shots. I wish they would tamp down on the Domestic Issues of the Grimes Marriage (actually, they should just make that a spin-off and use that title – it’s free, and you’re welcome, AMC) and actually focus on some of the more interesting characters.

  3. You need to watch the Talking Dead show that follows. You will die laughing and have another page to rant about.

  4. “because apparently she’s Aragorn” made me burst out laughing. Well played.

  5. I haven’t seen this show, but I will totally read anything with diagrams

  6. You had me at the diagrams. Awesome stuff.

  7. Well, i finally drank the Kool-Aid and I am hooked on The Walking Dead. I have a boatload of questions and one of the big ones (after reading your critiques) is “will you marry me, Alan” but as you’re already “joyously married” looks like I am shit out of luck. Honestly though, i love your reviews. It’s like I am watching them with all my snarky friends and I love it and agree on everything you say concerning The Walking Dead. Also, The Domestic Issues of the Grimes Marriage statement and following ” you’re welcome, AMC” made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

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