Lana Del Ray and Other Ephemera

Not to imply that Lana Del Ray is ephemeral. Of course, in the cosmic sense she is, but so are all of us, and if you think of our world as a pebble on a beach of blah blah insert philosophical bullshit here. I just wanted to make a post, which I haven’t done in a while, and I figured it would probably be about random shit off the top of my head, said thoughts to be considered transitory and not really lasting and therefore ephemeral. Maybe Lana Del Ray is going to be ephemeral. I’m not here to say. Anyway.

So, yeah, Lana Del Ray. I was in North Carolina a couple weeks ago, for very sad reasons I’d really rather not tackle right now. Saturday Night Live was on TV, something I haven’t watched in decades, and I was ignoring it with great success as I talked with my brother and my wife. Something came on the screen that made me stop and pay attention, no idea why. Maybe it was the voice. Musical guests on SNL are almost always shit, no matter how good they are in real life, but this one made me stop and watch and listen. The music was haunting and the performer’s stilted movements made me think of a robot built to appear human and coming ever-so-close, or a zombie that retained just enough humanity to sing a love song like a dirge. All three of us stopped and just listened in silence. My wife made the comment that the singer, who none of us had ever heard of, should make a soundtrack for a Juliette Lewis movie, since it was odd, haunting (that word again, but it fits so well), and slightly off-putting. The Info button on the TV told us it was Lana Del Ray, a name that meant nothing.

The next day, my wife saw an article about her, including the fact that a bunch of celebrities had complained about how lousy her performance was. First on that list was Juliette Lewis. We agreed that was oddly coincidental. I proceeded to forget all about her. Later on, I read an article about some internet backlash against some pop star I’d never heard of, and since I was bored and desperate I read it. Hey, it’s about this singer I saw on SNL. The article was about the “controversy” around her, and made me wonder just why the hell bloggers spend so much time bitching about things of zero importance, then I nodded because I do it all the time, so whatever. Hearing about so many people hating her made me like her even more.

Anyway, long story short, I listened to her music, liked the weird glitching-Stepford-Wife vibe, liked her voice, liked how much it sounded like a ghost coming back for one last encore (a very long way around using “haunting” again). My wife agreed, we bought the album, and I found out she has a song entitled “Diet Mountain Dew”. Well, that’s the greatest combination of deadly chemicals, caffeine, and carbonation I’ve ever tasted – I’m opening one right now, as a matter of fact – and so how can I not love this Lana Del Ray person? I dig her music. Maybe you will too. I have odd taste, though, so your mileage may vary.

**

I played the Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning demo last week. I am hoping to do a full-blown review of the demo tomorrow. It’s really freaking good. If you haven’t tried it yet, get the free demo. Besides walking you through the basics of playing, it lets you loose in the world for 45 minutes to do what you want, which is an awesome touch. Plus, if you plan on playing Mass Effect 3, playing through the demo gets you free ME3 items (and vice versa). I urge you to take a look.

**

I hope the Giants win the Super Bowl, just so I know that the Super Bowl Champs were entirely incapable of beating the Redskins in 2 chances this year. If I can’t have a winning season, I’ll have to settle for what I can get.

**

Around-the-world pushups are a mean and horrible thing to inflict on someone. Thanks, Bob Harper. And here I thought runner’s lunge pushups were bad. Well, yeah, they are, but AtW ones are pretty awful too.

**

I’ve said it before, but P.C. Hodgell is one of the best, completely underrated fantasy writers today. This also needs its own post. I’ve never read a better fantasy heroine than Jamethiel. In a genre populated with female characters who are either magicians, whores, or damsels in distress, her unique lead character stands out. I cannot recommend her books highly enough.

**

Two nights ago, my wife woke up because one of our dogs peed the bed. Grumbling and dazed, we pinballed around the room until we figured out that stripping the bed was a good idea. Tossed everything in a pile, including the mattress cover which stopped it from getting to our mattress itself. Made the bed again. Climbed in, gradually fell asleep. Woke up 30 minutes later when the dog peed the bed again. With no mattress cover, the mattress was now wet. Stripped the bed while my wife and I grumpily argued about who was acting mad and whom this anger was directed at. Made the dog go outside this time, an idea which occurred to neither of us before because we have a dog door for them and she could go out anytime we wanted to. Made the bed in the guest room. Eventually fell asleep. Still managed to wake up at 4:30 am to work out. I’d still take that over child-rearing.

**

Applewood Farms turkey hot dogs are the shit. Do they taste right? Hell no. But at 40 calories a piece, I can eat an entire pack of them in a single meal for just over 300 calories. That totally makes it worth the fact that they look like the swollen fingers of a week-old corpse.

**

It’s good to be back.

About Alan Edwards

An indie writer who does accounting full-time on the side.

Posted on February 2, 2012, in Kerfluffle and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I am not sure what my favorite part of the post was, the Applewood Turkey Corpse Finger hot dogs or the midnight dog peeing on the bed shuffle. Laughed at both. I did see the rage on that SNL singer but do not know what that is all about, never heard her stuff. I am still hoping to get the last game you recommended, Skyrim. I assume Reckoning will be a great one as well. My 6 year old wrote me a Zombie story with illustrations the other day and I thought of you and laughed. She is a budding horror artist all thanks to Plants vs. Zombies on the iPad. She has quite the imagination. Got a new family member, a Frenchie pup named Bea, so I really understand the dog peeing on the bed thing….Still love em’!

    Go Giants!

    • I would say that they don’t taste like corpse fingers, but having never tried corpse fingers it would just be speculation. And the hot dogs do taste…weird.

      Hooray for your 6-year-old! That’s just awesome.

      And we were both worried over whether or not our pup felt bad. While being mopey and irritable and all that. So, yeah, I guess we still love ’em, heh.

  2. Lana Del Rey has a quality to her voice that I love… like Poe mixed with Nancy Sinatra… throw some Natural Born Killers in the mix and you have a siren calling ships to their murky deaths… haunting is the best word I can think of for her too.

    …”they look like the swollen fingers of a week-old corpse”… wow, not sure I can eat them ever again, thanks for that babe.

    Getting peed on sucks. Getting peed on twice sucks worse. Sniping back and forth in a daze over where to sleep sucks the worst. ❤

    • Technically speaking, you never wanted to eat them again anyway after you tried the first one, so I’m not sure you’re missing out. Remember telling me not to even cook them in the same pan as the regular hot dogs? Heh.

      I like the siren reference. I think it’s actually very fitting.

      And I agree about the sniping being the worst part of all.

  3. Welcome back, Alan, your voice has been sorely missed from these Internets.

    And, sick as it may seem, I now want to try Applewood turkey dogs based on your description of them.

  4. Woo! Okay, now I am OFFICIALLY obsessed with your blog.
    Coincidentally, Diet Mountain Dew was playing as I read this post. 🙂
    There are no words for how awesome I think this blog is.
    Now I sound like a stalker. Dammit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: