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5 Things That Make Me Happy and Giggly Like a Newborn with Gas

The original intent for this post was very different. It was entitled “5 Things That Make Me Mind-Numbingly Furious” and I was planning on writing it because I was in a foul mood for a variety of reasons. I felt tired and petulant and my inner child was drumming his heels on the floor and screaming at the top of his lungs about how life was unfair and throwing breakfast around and the rest of the conclave that makes up the ownership of my brain wanted to beat the living shit out of him, although they were on the verge of conceding that life really is pretty goddamn unfair and the wailing toddler was making a lot of sense and maybe the only solution was to lash out at everyone and everything and maybe mix in a little turd-throwing and so on until one part of my brain was like “Hey, let’s write a blog post about shit that makes us honest-to-fucking-god pissed, not fake pissed” and the rest of me was like “good idea” and so I wrote the preamble and was about to list the things when I stopped and realized that maybe, just maybe, thinking about things that actually make me mad would probably do the opposite thing of making me less mad and only more mad and it probably wouldn’t be funny so my Inner Adult finally put his coffee cup down, told everyone to shut the fuck up, table the blog idea, and just fucking think about something else before Inner Adult took Inner Gaggle of Whiners to the woodshed and tanned some asses.

Side note: If you want to wake up angry, watch “Too Big to Fail” just before going to bed. It’ll take an effort to resist waking up, getting into your car, driving to New York, and indiscriminately driving up and down the sidewalk on Wall Street in an attempt to rid the world of “bankers” one thump-reverse-thump-drive-thump-reverse-for-good-measure-thump-and-what-the-hell-one-last-time-thump-reverse-better-be-sure-thump at a time. Or maybe that’s just me.

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump

Anyway, short story more succinctly put – I didn’t write that post.

Instead, it was suggested by a nightingale near-and-dear to me that instead of frothy anger blog, try writing “5 Things That Make Me Smile-Til-My-Face-Hurts Happy”. After blinking several times as my brain tried to process the concept of “happy” mixed with “my blog” I decided to give it a shot. So here we go – 5 things that make me happy as shit on a day where I’d normally rant about the inconsistency of hotel waffles.

I know, I know – this is new to me too.

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Lana Del Ray and Other Ephemera

Not to imply that Lana Del Ray is ephemeral. Of course, in the cosmic sense she is, but so are all of us, and if you think of our world as a pebble on a beach of blah blah insert philosophical bullshit here. I just wanted to make a post, which I haven’t done in a while, and I figured it would probably be about random shit off the top of my head, said thoughts to be considered transitory and not really lasting and therefore ephemeral. Maybe Lana Del Ray is going to be ephemeral. I’m not here to say. Anyway.

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Why I Can Never Root For Michael Vick: A Hopefully Rational Viewpoint

Recently, I’ve read three articles written by prominent sports media figures describing why they are rooting for Michael Vick to succeed and become a inspirational story as he plays for the Philadelphia Eagles: Jason Whitlock of Fox Sports, Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, and  Barry Petchesky of Deadspin.  The gist for all three is the same: Vick has paid his dues to society for dogfighting, and deserves to become a role model for future generations for battling through his own demons and adversity.  To some degree or another, they all indicate that they understand why some may disagree. Read the rest of this entry

Five Things for Tuesday, February 16th

1.  It took over an hour to get to work today.  It was snowing. but there wasn’t any snow on the road.  People were just driving incredibly badly, either WAY too slow or ridiculously recklessly, like the tool douchebag driving the wrong way down a one-way street and looking pissed that he couldn’t get by.  I should have just driven into him.

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Five Things for Friday, 10/23

1.  Have you ever really liked a song and enjoyed everything about it except one little thing that just starts to stand out to you every time you hear it?  Then the more you hear it, the more time you spend dreading the part you don’t like?  Eventually, you end up not liking the song nearly as much as you did and every time you hear it gets a little more disappointing?  If no, then fuck off and read something else.

For my wife, one of those songs, I think, would be “China Girl” by David Bowie (and just now, the part she hates ran through her head and for a second she hates me just a little bit for bringing it up).  For me, that song is “Paradise City” by Guns n Roses.  The beginning of that song is like the perfectly distilled essence of what is good about rock music.  The extended musical intro, the wailing refrain, simple and pure: “Take me down to Paradise City/ where the grass is green/ and the girls are pretty/Oh won’t you please take me home.”  If for one song, I was blessed with the ability to play guitar, sing, and dominate a stage with my presence, it would absolutely be “Paradise City.”  Except for one niggling thing.

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Five Things for Tuesday, 10/20

1.  Comment redacted.

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