Blog Archives

Mass Effect Andromeda First Thoughts and Speculations

At E3 this year, EA dropped a new trailer for Mass Effect Andromeda. It doesn’t explain anything, doesn’t show gameplay, and isn’t everything that I’d hoped would be released (by which I mean I want to know everything RIGHT NOW like the impatient petulant child that I am). There were, however, some clues and hints about what’s to come. I need to talk about it, just to keep myself sane, so this is just going to be a scattershot of thoughts and speculation about what’s to come.

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Killing a Book

Writing a book is a labor, sometimes of love, other times of persistence, occasionally of obligation, rarely (one hopes) out of sheer sadism or masochism, depending on who exactly the writer wishes to punish. Regardless of motivation, it is work. And like most jobs, time off can be a necessity during the whole process. Sometimes it’s a holiday, and in some cases in can be an entire leave of absence for months or years until the desire to resume overcomes the reluctance to dive back into the thing that made you walk away altogether.

And sometimes, you just need to tell the book to shove it.

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More Mass Effect 3 SPOILER Ending Thoughts – The Indoctrination Theory

OK. When it came to the Mass Effect 3 ending, I’d said my piece (spoiled and non-spoiled) and counted to three. I was good, I was finished, I was content. Then I had a brief conversation with a friend yesterday. He’d never played any of the Mass Effect games and wanted some questions answered, so he could put the frothing waves of rage into context. I answered them from my perspective. Then he said something about a theory that was the hot thing on the Intarwebs, something I’d paid zero attention to, a little thing called the Indoctrination Theory. I decided to check into this theory. What I read changed everything.

Essentially, my friend took a stick and jammed it into the anthill of my brain and stirred it all up. The rat bastard.

Oh, and if I haven’t been entirely clear, there are spoilers below the “Read the rest of this entry”. SPOILERS. Spoilers. (spoilers)

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Shane Makes Up For Last Week: Walking Dead Season 2 Episode 3

Can one scene make up for 55 minutes of mediocrity, dull conversations, pointless arguments, and a plot advancing at the rate of golden syrup oozing over a sweet buttery muffin (I had to fast for some lab work this morning, so bear with me)? I guess this episode of AMC’s The Walking Dead will do its damnedest to answer that question.

By the way, this is laid out roughly chronologically but I’m sure I’ve got shit mixed up in the middle somewhere.

The episode begins with Shirtless Shane, a running shower, closeups of his still-toned body (seriously, when does he get a chance to get enough nutrition and time to work out in the apocalypse? It’s been at least a few weeks, right? Everyone else is getting skinner. Shane is a-gettin’ buffier), and McShane shaving his head to get a good proper Maniacal Face going. What struck me was how callous he was about dumping his greasy man-hair all over the sink and poor exposed bar of soap. Other people have to use that bar of soap, you greedy non-hair-washing-for-a-month asshole. It probably looks like it’s covered in pubes now. One of those poor women is going to have to make a whole new batch out of manure or wherever it is soap comes from.

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NFL Week 7: Rookie QBs and the Redskins

Via Mr. Irrelevant

In Week 7, The Redskins got to face the Carolina Panthers and their rookie quarterback Cam Newton. The Panthers came in with a woeful defense, injuries on their offensive line, and a 1-5 record. The Redskins came in with a banged-up o-line of their own, a quarterback who’s 30 years old and has fewer career starts than the rookie on the other team, and a good defense. Logic dictated that the Redskins could run the ball, their defense could stymie the Panthers, and if they could just get decent production and a lack of turnovers from their quarterback, they could win the game.

One problem.
 
 

NFL Week 6: Sometimes It Sucks To Be Right

This blow-up doll couldn't be more right.

First things first: the I’m Goin’ Deep Fan Club picture is gone for as long as Rex Grossman is no longer the starter for the Washington Redskins. Which means that it’ll probably not show up on here ever again.

Secondly, I realize that Week 6 isn’t over yet. There is still a Monday Night game to go. I don’t know who’s playing and don’t really give a shit since those games happen after I go to bed, and the entire NFC East played anyway. Plus, I need to get Week 6 out of my system quick, like a wasted college freshman after downing 6 bottles of Boone’s Farm. Best to purge and move on.

Anyway, this is what I said last week about the Redskins-Eagles game:

So this week coming up, the 3-1 Redskins face the reeling 1-4 Eagles in Washington. The Redskins have had 2 weeks to prepare for this game, get healthy and rested, study film, and prepare for this important NFC East game. Should be a win, right?

Ummmm, no.

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NFL Week 5: NFC East Schadenfreude

The Redskins had their bye last week, which meant they couldn’t lose and I didn’t have to be angsty all day wondering whether they would or not. They even had a chance to grasp sole possession of first place in the East without having to do a damn thing. The prospect was pretty unlikely, however, since the Giants were playing host to the inept Seattle Seahawks and seemed a pretty sure lock to go to 4-1.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA – ahem, sorry.

Instead, under the Bad-Ass Quarterbacking Duo of 2011 – Tavaris Jackson and Charlie Whitehurst – the Seahawks became suddenly ept and upset the Giants, thanks to a bunch of turnovers. At the end, though, it looked like the Giants were going to pull it out. They got down to the Seahawk’s 10-yard-line down 5 and were moving the ball with ease. Eli Manning tossed the ball to Hero of the Day, Victor Cruz, who’d snagged a one-handed bobbled pass and turned it into a TD earlier in the game. Cruz bobbled it, started the one-hand grab thing, and then everything fell apart as a Seahawks’ defender grabbed the ball and raced back the other way for the game-sealing touchdown.

Funny thing was, it was the second time I saw that play that day.

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NFL Week 4: BAHAHAHAHA ROMO

In week 4 of the NFL season, the Redskins managed to regain the NFC East lead. Yes, they did it in part by beating the totally terrible Rams in traditionally close fashion. A game they should have won 38-0 was, of course, a nail-biter when Sexy Rexy Unleashed the Dragon but forgot about the middle linebacker yet again. But the defense led by The Human Wrecking Ball Brian Orakpo and They Call Me High-Motor Because I’m White Ryan Kerrigan shut down the Rams offensive display of offensive ineptitude to hold on for the win. So they did their part to regain the division lead.

But it couldn’t have happened without Tony Romo.

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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4th & 3: Week 2 NFL Stuff

Last week, I said the winner of the Redskins – Cardinals game could be decided by a coin flip. That’s essentially what happened. The entire game I had no idea who was going to win. The Redskins won and are 2-0 for the first time in a while. They also have sole possession of first place in the NFC East since relatively forever. Will that last? It’s not likely, but fuck it, I’m going to enjoy it as long as I can. Having the Redskins 2-0 along with the Bills and Lions makes me think that it’s 1991 all over again or something. That’s the last time I can remember that those 3 teams were worth a shit at the same time. Not to say that they’re worth a shit now, but, well, they’re 2-0.

Herewith are my NFL thoughts regarding Week 2 of the 2011 season, a week where Michael Vick was puking and spitting up blood on the sidelines. I can use more of that in my life.

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Sexy Rexy for President: Week 1 NFL Stuff

I haven’t talked much football at all since last season. The lockout drained any potential excitement I had for the upcoming season and I didn’t want to talk about it. Happily, the issue got resolved, preseason games happened, and the NFL I know and love is on as if nothing ever happened. So without further ado (although I tend to add a lot of ado as I go; really, I often throw in so much ado that sentences become incomprehensible and parenthetical asides becoming paragraphical asides, but hey, I like having a lot of ado around.), here are my thoughts after 1 week of NFL action.

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