I didn’t want to go.
I just wasn’t in the mood, really. I’d been working all day, and would have to do the same tomorrow. The prospect of driving for an hour to go home, then to ride in a car for two hours in order to be surrounded by strangers, followed by disappointing news, then on top of that having to ride all the way back home feeling down – it wasn’t an appetizing thought.
Hell, I was already depressed and anxious enough. Those two feelings tend to follow me almost all of the time, and it always takes at least a little effort to keep them at bay. Some days are worse than others, and on that Thursday they were feeling pretty damn strong. I struggle now and again with, well, a lot of things, and some days are harder than others. The really fun thing about my own particular cocktail of misery is that my depression makes me want to be alone, my anxiety makes me unable to cope with social situations (to the point where I often find myself unable to face the prospect of asking another person to give me food when they are literally being paid to do that very thing and so I’ll skip lunch instead), and – here’s the fun part – being alone makes me more anxious and depressed. It’s a good time.
I said before here that I detest the fact that we’ve allowed a two-party system to arise and get a chokehold on power in United States government. Of course, I leave the possibility open that I have no idea what I’m talking about. I am, after all, not an expert in political systems, or the intricacies of government, or history, or really any subject at all. I may be an expert in churning out stream-of-consciousness rambling word vomit, but even that’s debatable. I know enough about a lot of things to know I don’t know enough. But I do know enough to have opinions on them, and I am an expert on knowing my blog’s username and password, so I’ll continue putting out these things here.
To be honest, I’m writing this because it’s been a very emotional and shitty couple of weeks. And writing about the potential dissolution of our Republic is actually a way for me to escape my troubles. A few friends of mine encouraged me to write, so I am. My original plan was going to be a Fears and Hope in Donald America post, where I could talk about what I’m afraid of and hopeful for in the next few years. I may do that at some point. Instead, I’m going with a lashing-out of anger because I feel helpless and scared and sometimes yelling at clouds is the only thing I can do because the things I’m actually angry and scared of can’t be targeted or confronted. They just Are.
Anyway, whatever, here we go.
Yes, this is a political post. I know you’re tired of it. I’m fucking tired of it too. I just can’t get it out of my head, and I have to write it down to get some of this vitriolic poison out of me before what’s left of my brain drowns in it. I’d say skip it, but I don’t want you to, because I think this shit is really fucking important even if my opinions are completely irrelevant to the rest of the world. These are my opinions, though, so I’m gonna let ‘em out, and if you don’t care for them, that’s fine, because many of them are probably terrible. Read the rest of this entry
Note: This is long, it is rambling, at times incoherent, and should probably not be read by anyone.
After learning the details behind the Giffords shooting this past weekend – kinda strange that we call it the Giffords shooting, when she survived, when all those others did not; why not the John Roll shooting [and it goes to show that just a few days after the shooting, it took me ten minutes to actually find an article that references his name and not Giffords] – I was as disgusted as anyone, and probably a bit more than the average American. I was disgusted that this is the world we live in, that any douchebag with a mental problem can get his hands on a gun and kill people with no real danger to himself, and that it took no time for people on either side of the political “spectrum” (hard to call anything that consists of two points a spectrum, honestly) to start pointing fingers at each other. The ongoing debate over it all disgusts me. Humans disgust me. Read the rest of this entry
So far, so good. I’ve hit (or ever-so-slightly exceeded) the 1,667 word daily quota each day. I haven’t been able to build a buffer yet, which isn’t great, but I’ll still take it. The site this year adds some interesting stats, like how many days in a row you’ve made quota, how many words you need each day based on your current output, things like that. It’s funny, because if I write 5,000 words today and 500 tomorrow, that would be well above a two-day quota, but since the site would call that 1 Successful Day and 1 Unsuccessful Day, it makes me want to hit the minimum at least every time. Ahh, the incentives that stats bring.
A couple of things I’ve had on my mind the last few days: Read the rest of this entry
1. I’ve been reading a lot about the idea that this health care reform bill is going to cost the Democrats a lot in November’s elections. The Republicans are planning on pushing the idea of repeal as a cornerstone of their election plank. The problem I see with that approach is the idea that health reform is going to be on the minds of the public in seven months. I think that overestimates the attention span of the American electorate by about six-and-a-half months at least.
1. My frazzled work-self is making it difficult for me to write. I can barely think of five things to talk about without making one of them a ranty bitchy screed that no one cares about. Of course, almost no one reads this anyway, so what’s the harm? I guess I’d prefer to talk and think about other things.